Thoughts of a Common Man

Thought I'd check in on a news show this morning just to see what the government is up to, and it was as if I hadn't missed a thing in the year I decided not to bother with all of it. There was a talking head, a rep from the Republican party, and a rep from the Democratic party. The subject was health care reform, but it could have been whether or not the sky is blue,or black. Basically it went like this: "Blah, blah, blah, blah, you're a liar," said the Republican. "No, blah, blah, blah, you're a bigger liar," said the Democrat. "You lie! You don't have enough votes, you liar, liar, pants on fire," answered the Republican. "We'll do what we have to do to give the American public what it wants, you lying son-of-a-bitch," countered the Democrat. "You both sound like you're lying," said the talking head. "We are both lying," the two said in unison. "How else are you going to know what to believe?

A few thoughts collected as we mourn the passing of Boner from Growing Pains ... --- They say that the actor who played Boner was a lifelong sufferer of depression and mental illness. He had a family that loved him...too bad he couldn't sort through it all. But how in the hell can you not be depressed when you're known to the freaking world as Boner? --- So, Paterson isn't running for Governor. His term - all three hundred days of it - was rocked by scandal, claims of incompetence, and a lot of back and forth in the press. This coming off Spitzer quitting because of those damn loudmouth hookers, and a New York State budget in the shitter. And still people are lining up for the job. I have a better idea. Just do it by lottery. Send everyone in New York State a raffle number, have a huge ceremony, and draw the winning ticket. Whoever wins is Governor. Think of the possibilities: Bob the goat farmer from Amsterdam; Billy the cattle wrestler from Watertown; Jose the hot dog ven

I wish I had a dime for every time I got in trouble for telling a joke... I have the responsibility of speaking in front of a lot of people, and sometimes, I can be a wee-bit off-color, or politically incorrect. My boy came home from school the other day, looking a little worried. It seems he'd told a joke that he'd heard on Two and a Half Men and being that he goes to a Catholic school...well, he wishes he had a dime. The joke goes like this: If girls who have big breasts work at Hooters where do girls with one leg work: I-Hop. I don't care who you are, that there is funny. So, my nine-year-old tells someone, who tells someone, who says it in front of the teacher. "I'm going to get in trouble," Sam says. "Everyone else already got yelled at and I'm the one who started it." I see that he's about to break into tears. I decide to give him some advice that will serve him throughout his life. "When the teacher comes to you and asks you about

A lot of people today are considering the shock and the horror of the trainer being pulled into the tank by Telly the 12,300# killer whale in Orlando. Yes, it's a horrible tragedy, but come on, you put something that big into something that is basically a bath tub and they are going to get a little bored, aggravated, irritated, and aggressive. I'm sure that the trainer loved that whale. I'm sure that the whale loved that trainer. Perhaps all he really wanted to do was play, but his play is dangerous, you see? A KILLER WHALE plays with a seal, a dolphin, a human being, and you have to sort of expect that he may KILL you. The story goes on to say that this is the 3rd time that whale has been involved in a human death. Telly was even isolated from others because of his past performances and still that didn't work. In my mind there is a real hazard to dealing with killer whales, sharks, tigers, lions and even chimps that rip your face off. They are not people. We can not be

Random Thoughts of the Day: 1) Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. 2) I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. 3) There is a great need for sarcasm font. 4) How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? 5) I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in. 6) MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. 7) Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. 8) I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. 9) Bad decisions make good stories 10) You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day. 11) I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to sa

Caught an Olympic Medalist on a sports show yesterday. She was a skiier and had won a couple of the silver medals - Mancuso, I believe. In any regard, she sounded like a 12-year old kid, but she spoke of dedicating her life to the singular goal of winning those medals. And I kind of like that. There's something to be said for setting goals and then achieving them, right? Most people don't aspire to gold medals, but that isn't saying that you can't shoot for gold within your own life, and even if you fall short, end up with a medal of some sort. I'm not going to ever win a real gold medal. I sort of figured that out the first time I tumbled down a ski slope, tripped on the basketball court, nearly had a heart attack rounding the bases, or in my only football game ever, fumbled after being hit and watched the guy who recovered, take it to the house as they say. Yet there is still gold there for the taking, right? Matt and Sam are eager to tell me about how they are go

That was a nice little win in hockey over Canada, wasn't it? I watched most of the game and was actually quite surprised, I thought Canada would take it - nice effort, thanks for coming, Canada has too much talent. Yet it didn't work out that way and there are stories out about how it is another miracle on ice. It was a nice win, and I don't want to crap all over it, but it was hardly the same. Before the game last night they were interviewing one of the American players who said he was born seven years after the 1980 game. He'd seen the movie and read about it in books, but certainly couldn't answer many questions about what lead up to that game. I mentioned to the screen that I'd already needed rehab by 1987. Well, I remember all of that game. We hated Russia, and it's hard to drum up the same sort of hatred for the Canadiens. What're we going to hate them for? The metric system? Their goofy money? The eh crap? Their health care? So, right there is the

I love Larry David - he's a comic genius. I also love Woody Allen movies - and despite what he did with his adopted daughter, I also consider him a genius. So, of course, when their movie was one of my choices, I jumped at it. The monologue that David does at the start is worth the investment of time. He plays a negative genius who thinks life is a colossal waste of time. I laughed my ass off. And Whatever Works was his mantra to make it through life's ups and downs although how well it works is up for debate - he jumps out a window twice. Yet there were disturbing aspects to his personality - the OCD, the waking up in the middle of the night. The daily rants about how everyone is wrong and he's always right. Reminded me of someone, not sure who. In any regard, a movie worth watching. He calls everyone he meets an imbecile, which is just a classic word and one that makes me laugh each time. How can you be so condescending? Imbecile. Try it today on someone who aggravates yo

All righty then. My last post was a bit of a downer, hey? So, I did what I normally do when I reach the edge. I clean. I've done it after finishing every single book, and Kathy seems to enjoy this more than any other part of the writing process. I jumped out of bed with my mind on doing the bathrooms. They weren't in too rough a shape, but I got right to work on it - cleaning both, even washing out the medicine cabinets. After that, I headed for a coffee, but while getting the milk noticed that I could clean the fridge. Did it. Dusted the computer area, cleaned my television screen, vacuumed my room, and then down the stairs, one at a time. As long as the vacuum was downstairs, I did the room the dogs hang in, and just figured the hell with it, and did the rest of the house. Then I got it stuck in my head that I needed to stuff a few peppers. I did the work, going to the grocery store in my pajama bottoms (the young, cute cashier asked me if I were giving up, and we both laughe

I heard from one of my best friends in the world today. Fluff from college called just to say hello and ask me why I've kind of gone underground despite the fact that I've tried to write something here every day. Seeing right through things he knew that I was sort of half-assing the effort. My buddy Terry alluded to much the same thing, and Rosie checked in to see if I was still afloat. So, how are things? They sort of really suck, to be honest. Nearly a year later, and it hasn't been any better, truthfully. Those that say that time heals, are mentally deficient, to be frank. I don't know if you guys ever heard of Bruce Springsteen, but in Mary's Place from the unbelievable album The Rising , he asks, "How do you live broken-hearted?" (Listen to the words) - but the answer is not real well, most of the time. I suppose that what really needs to happen is that there needs to be little mileposts set before you. Make it to Monday...okay...make it to Wednesday.

What else could he have done other than what he did? After months of being laughed at, scoffed at and chased with golf clubs, Cheetah heads home from rehab claiming that he is a changed man. He still isn't sure when he can play golf again, and now everyone feels a little sorry for him, right? F--- him. How are the Olympics playing out? I haven't watched any of it - keeping a sideways glance at the hockey, but I never really ever got into it. That's not Anti-American, is it? I guess I'm really not much of a sports fan other than baseball, am I? I appreciate the work that goes into it - hell I was on the treadmill for a half hour last night and it about ruined me today. I can't imagine training like they train for as long as they do, but it seems that if they aren't wearing a hat that has an interlocking NY on their heads, I really don't care. What else? Another long week coming to an end...no closer to finding the ultimate truths in life than I was at the end

The other night I watched a full hour of American Idol . I've always considered it a karaoke contest and have constantly whined that we could be watching an hour of real singers instead. Or we could be learning about something, or reading something, or figuring out how to vote, or even watching Judge Judy. But I shut my mouth and tried to judge the talent. Here are a few of my observations, and perhaps a little insight into why I can't watch the show on a regular basis: 1). I'm not invested in these people. I don't care if they entered the contest because they were molested by their Uncle and are searching for validation. I especially don't care if they start crying - they start the waterworks, I head to another room. I just want to hear them sing. We all have problems. 2). When they are voted off, they vow to one day become a star and get back at Simon. I hate this too - they aren't coming back - that's it - go bag groceries. 3). Randy Jackson. I dislike Ra

During the course of the long baseball season bets are made and people often run their mouth, writing checks that their bodies can't cash. Of course, I really benefited from the 27-Time World Champions win last fall, collecting a few bottles (waiting to collect one more) and a couple of cases of beer. The poor slob shown in the above photo, however, decided to really go for it. He bet another guy in his construction company that he'd wear the woman get-up if the Yanks pulled it off. The bet had the loser dressing as a woman for the company safety course which was just held. I had heard about the bet, but certainly pushed it out of my mind, until I stood on the stage, looked out at the group, and saw the ugliest woman I'd ever seen in my life. That's the way to start a presentation! I had to step back away from the microphone for a minute as I laughed, and the man, being a good sport, stood and allowed me to view the back side. Believe me, I showed you the good side. Too

Ah, life is starting to straighten out a bit...the Yankees have already started to filter in - Jeter was on the news taking batting practice with a couple of the new guys, and they were not dealing with having to answer questions about why they haven't won in so many years. Because they won it just four months ago! The 27-time World Champion Yankees are ready to report. Girardi changed his number to 28. The pitching looks good - Rivera is still the best closer. How can you not be thrilled! I'm so sick of hockey. Skate up and down - shoot at the five guys standing in front of the goal, shoot it the other way. Trap, goalies with huge pads - boooooring. Then the NBA - one guy bigger than the next - they don't seem to care about their fans - Kobe, Lebron, brutal! The NCAA's will arrive just in time to send me to the fantasy baseball draft and then... Back to work trying to buy #28! To all you haters out there - just remember - everytime you talk to me in the next few hundre

Man, talk about being embarrassed. Kevin Smith, the movie producer, of Clerks fame was sent off a Southwest flight because he was too fat to sit in the one seat that he'd purchased. Rumor is that he knew it too because he always purchased two seats whenever he flew, but a shift in flight plans forced him to just try and give it a go with one. So, where do you go with this one? So many different directions possible. First off, how'd you like to be the flight attendant who has to break the bad news? "Excuse me, sir, we have a slight problem." With the fear of flying built in, every one on the plane would be looking to see what the problem was. "Oh, miss, I'm sorry, am I in the wrong seat?" "Well, sort of, you seem to be spilling over into the guy's seat next to you. The extra skin from under your elbow is resting in his coffee." "Oh, my bad, I'll shift my weight in the seat here so we're all comfortable." There's a loud

Continuing with tradition my wife made the announcement in the middle of last week. "Don't get me anything for Valentine's Day, it's stupid." Perfect, pressure off, and besides, I agree with her. Like Halloween it is for children. It is also sort of a made-up deal for big business in the card and flower industry. Fine with me. Yet there is that impulse to at least acknowledge that you're someones valentine, right? I started writing at 5:30 this morning - the third straight morning of doing so, and lost in the frenzy, I lost track of the time - until my wife delivered a hot cup of coffee for me. And still, the Valentine's wish from my mouth was non-existent. I didn't even remember it was today. When I finally broke free from the writing trance, I headed downstairs to hear my wife chatting with my mother. The conversation was lively, animated, and sure to boost my mother's spirits. I headed downstairs and saw that my clothes from last week's road

In keeping with the bitter and sweet discussions...today is one of my favorite days of the year - the Hunter's Hope Day of Celebration at the Bills Fieldhouse. (1 to 4 PM) First of all, how can you not love to participate something that has hope in the title? Hope is the one word we need to hold onto, no matter where we stand, and no matter how many times our hopes are dashed. That's why we can start every year thinking...I hope the Sabres win the cup...I hope the Bills make the playoffs...hope makes the world go around - even when it is not based on anything tangible. And there is nothing better than hope realized, right? I hope I get my check today becomes...I got my check today, weeeeeeee! I hope the Yankees win the World Series becomes 'Welcome, the 27-time World Champion Yankees'. And we always need something to look forward to. What are we without hope in our hearts that someday we'll drink from God's Blessed waters? (Listen to the words!) When you're

I was listening to an author interview today as I drove. How's that for the height of geekdom? The guy had written a book about his life - he dropped out of Princeton in an effort to study hard to become a Buddhist Monk. I'm sure his parents were thrilled with that decision. He went to China for two and a half years, and went through the trials and tribulations involved. Not that any of that caught my attention, but he did speak of an interesting concept. Can You Eat Bitter? is the concept and it is all about enduring the suffering of life. The study was all about rising above the bitter, and handling disappointment, and as I drove I wondered about the man becoming one with his mind in an effort to eat the bitter. Can you eat bitter? The more I thought about it, the more I figured out that there isn't much of an option there - now is there? You have to eat the bitter that comes with the sweet. Sometimes it seems that there isn't enough sweet to allow you to move forward

Dining alone and reading a bunch of newspapers. So much to catch up on. Reading about Sarah Palin is a lot like looking at a crashed car on the side of the road, and hoping its not mine. I read a couple of her stump speeches and really barely stopped from throwing up. She can't possibly be a candidate, can she? She makes fun of Obama for being a law professor as though being a hockey mom is intellectually superior to being a lowly professor. Shouldn't our leaders be more? Then she writes notes on her hand to give a speech. I did that in 3rd grade. But...whatever...71% of people polled said she was not a worthy candidate for president. What the hell do the other 29% see? God, help us. Speaking of God help us...I'm not sure what the hell all of this regulation is doing for us. In the construction industry there is a real government presence that is changing everything. We can't get any bigger, or any more in debt, can we? How in the hell can we get out of this mess? Elect

I'm not a patient man. I've accepted that. I no longer make telephone calls to discuss accounts because I am liable not to properly hold my tongue and I may respond in a manner that is less than helpful. Kathy has revoked this privilege. During the course of the car accident and the subsequent issuance of the insurance check, I had little choice. The check was made out to me...and the bank. I needed a bank endorsement before I could endorse the check. So. I headed to the bank and was met by a true dimwitted girl who had no idea what a check even was. "I'll get my manager." The manager was a slightly older woman, who seemed equally confused. "It's an insurance check signed to your bank and me. We've already satisfied the loan to your bank. We just need to have you endorse the check so we can recover what we laid out of our account." "Oh, okay," she said. Ten minutes later she was back. "I'm not sure if I can endorse this,"

Back about 18 years ago I worked with a project manager who taught me to always include the weather in my recap of the days events. This was during the summer months, and before long I was getting descriptive in my accounts. I used to always write something like, "Cloudy with a drizzle of rain," or my personal favorite, "Hot & Dusty." The project manager used to laugh at some of the strange one's I'd come up with, but I thought of it again this week when a buddy texted from Philly to let me know how much snow was coming down. "How's the weather there?" Gag asked. "Hot and dusty," was the quick reply. An my oh, my isn't this refreshing - people out there in computer land are whining and crying about all of the snow and the postponed school and the treacherous driving, and here in sunny Buffalo, we wait, and laugh, and laugh and laugh. I probably shouldn't jinx it because we deserve our rep up here, but it is kind of funny t

In keeping with our amusing ourselves to death way of living I suggest that the day after the Super Bowl be declared a holiday, and those of us that are still working can take the whole day off. It's amazing, actually, the Super Bowl has become such big business, and is so huge -no one can escape it's reach. I actually enjoyed it a bit this year and that is because the kids were so into it. A few thoughts collected: After telling anyone that would listen that I'm so smart, I completely screwed up my prediction for the game - I didn't think Indy could lose. Thank God my wife and children are so good at letting me know when I'm wrong. The Who did all right, right? I thought so - I've always enjoyed their music and was a little frightened that they would look old - they did, but that's okay. Why dissect every note? It was good to see them. Betty White did the best commercial, right? Who doesn't like her? She's pretty funny no matter what she appears in.

I must admit that trumpets don't go off in my head every single time I attend the Sunday services. There are masses that have even particularly annoyed me through the years. I hate the sermon where the priest discusses the church finances, and I know he's doing it in the interest of full disclosure, but I frankly don't care what it costs to heat the church. I had a few cocktails and some laughs with a few good friends last night, but church was on the agenda, and I headed off alone. I find that if I hit a different mass than my wife and kids I can usually concentrate a little more, and yes, even enjoy the community of the event. There weren't any trumpets playing today as the priest spoke of the Boy Scouts of all things. I glanced around - there were scouts everywhere, cub scouts, bear scouts, weeblos, and even a couple of eagle scouts. The guy sitting right next to me was in full uniform too, and he was a big man - let's just say that John Goodman could play him in

Seems that Gov. Mark Sanford excluded the fidelity vow from his wedding, and his wife went along with it. I watched a few moments of her being interviewed on Barbara Walters and I couldn't get over the fact that she seemed to be shocked that he cheated on her, eventually throwing her aside for that Argentinian soul mate of his. She probably should've seen it coming, no? Then there's Cheetah Woods and his wife. Once more, not my matter, but can Elin Norweigan-Woods really take him back? 14 mistresses? How does that go down? "Oh Cheetah, you left the toilet seat up." "I'm sorry, Elin. I'll try better next time." "This is the 14th time you've done it to me." "I'm sorry, it won't happen again." "By the way I've called you 14 times for dinner." "I'm on my way. What're we having?" "I cooked 14 chicken legs, peeled 14 potatoes, and made 14 ear of corn." I'm just saying. Perhap

Digging my CD's out of the old car for the switch to the new one gave me an opportunity to sort my entire collection as I put them in alphabetical order like Jack Nicholsen did in As Good As it Gets . As I put them in order I stumbled across two CD's with Jeff's handwritten scrawl across the front - 'The best CD's ever made', it said. He had made me copies of his mixed tapes with the best of the best on them. His favorite songs. I wasn't anticipating many surprises, but man, it was going to be tought to listen to. I carried the CD's around for a couple of days, and having a long ride today, I threw them on. Very few surprises - Knopfler led it off, followed by a solo Pete Townshend, Roger Waters from Amused to Death (a great album), Bruce doing Shake, Rattle & Roll with Jerry Lee Lewis, old Rod Stewart. Good stuff. I decided to sing along rather than feel sad, knowing that he'd be nudging me and asking if it was the best CD I'd ever heard. T

Saw that Indianapolis schools will be starting late on Monday so that the kids can work off their Super Bowl hangovers. Great set of priorities there - way to teach the kids that football and partying is more important. I let the boys stay up and watch the 27-Time World Champion Yankees beat the piss out of the Phillies this past October, but I went to work bright and early the next morning to show them that responsibilities are still there to be met. (I had a headache, by the way). But then again, we are a society that is amusing ourselves to death anyway, so why send a mixed message, right? Here in Buffalo there's a story about a Pop Warner Football coach who was arrested for dealing drugs while the boys were practicing. When cops busted him he had $120,000 on him. Good work if you can get it, I suppose. Which brings me to the point - sometimes we need to question those that are teaching the kids, right? Thinking back, I had every sort of teacher imaginable (other than the hot on

We've all met the crazy salesman who tells you all kinds of crap to try and get you to buy something. They act interested in your life, coo over photos of your kids, and lie, lie, lie to make the sale. I know a couple of guys who could sell you your own shoes, and I'm gullible and impatient, so I'm better off not even hearing the pitch. I don't exactly get the best deals when I shop, but thankfully, through the years, I've been blessed to know people who see through the crap, and fight back. My father was always great at negotiating a car deal...and now my wife has the patience to banter a little. Just try and disagree, she'll show you. Anyway, my wife walked into a car dealership, demanded the best prices, knew of all the rebates, shopped it all around, and called me to report. She went through a few potential deals and told me about the salesmen she met. "There's an older salesman here. He lost his son to an aneurysm when the guy was only 36." &q

Man one of the best shows ever was the Larry Sanders Show , and actor Rip Torn was my favorite reason to watch that show. And he stole the funny scenes in Dodgeball too, but this weekend may have been his greatest performance. The story goes that Torn went to his local watering hole, watered up, and then stumbled home. Except he mistook the bank for his home. His key wouldn't work in the door, allegedly, so he used his pistol to shatter the window to gain entrance. He then removed his shoes, and coat, and went to sleep - on the bank floor. Can't say I've never been there. I once entered someone's residence, pulled up at their breakfast counter and ordered a Michelob Light. But that's because the Bills were on the way to the Super Bowl and I'd just watched them win the AFC. I still say that wasn't a crime. But Rip Torn spent three days in jail and his bail has been set at $100,000. Word is he's checking into a rehab center. All good stuff as he recovers

My buddy texted me today - "How's it going, pumpkin?" I texted back - "Sore back, work, busted-up car, sixty bucks to my name 45 years in." His reply was: "You got $50 more than me." And I really hate people that whine, but what I hate worse is not doing what I set out to do on any given day and I can't do that if my routine is upset. So - Bah! And the paperwork that needs to be filled out and total strangers calling me asking me for information, and the underlying theme that perhaps I'm lying to someone when all I need to do is get things in order. The doctors wonder if the pain is really there. The car insurance people want to know if all the dents are part of the new accident, the questions come, the questions go, and my routine gets shattered. Whatever - not the end of the world, right? What about those poor people in Haiti? Think they are worried about their insurance covering their blown-away home? The paperwork for something like that ha