Thoughts of a Common Man

So Jared Fogle's lawyers claimed that his 245-pound weight loss turned him "hyper-sexual" and made him a sex-crazed pedophile? Did I just type that sentence? How can a lawyer make such a claim with a straight face? Did Jared explain that to them? Did they think it sounded good? Does it sound plausible to you? Now I know that lawyers are paid to come up with crazy ideas that might save their clients from going to jail, but how do you even propose such a thing? Weight loss led you to become a pedophile alcoholic... ...I've sort of heard everything now. And of course, Jared went the old sympathy route. Having to be a role model...being in the spotlight...made him do it. And there are so many clever jokes going around now. Most of those jokes have to do with Jared getting used to a new sort of foot long, but the sad part of it all is that he was convicted of preying on 16 and 17 year old boys and girls. Jared lost 245 pounds, allegedly, eating on...

This week has been extremely negative. Everywhere I turn. The terror attacks in Paris has unleashed a wave of brutality here in the United States. Evidently the fans of GOP are trying to win the 2012 elections by saying that this administration has detonated the bombs in France. People on the Democratic side of the aisle are bashing Bush. Refugees are fleeing from violence and terror and they aren't welcome. Charlie Sheen has HIV. So. I tried real hard not to think about all the D.B.'s running around all over the world. I wanted to hear something good. And lo and behold, I stumbled on the story of Matt LaChappa. LaChappa was once a promising baseball pitcher who was on the verge of the major leagues. At the age of 20 he suffered a heart attack. 20! He nearly died. This was back in 1993. The San Diego Padres win the good guys of the week award. Because they still have LaChappa on the team. Every year they sign LaChappa to a one-year contract. ...

Okay...so was getting into the hot tub the other day and I took off my shirt and said: "You know how you look at Ryan Gosling with his shirt off? Well, no difference here." My beautiful wife laughed. "You really believe that, don't you?" "I'd kick the living shit out of that little actor," I replied. She laughed again. You see, I'm not much for fighting. Let's be honest here, we all know that. "I'm a lot bigger than him though," I said. "You've always been bigger than your brother John too. How'd those battles work out?" I put my shirt back on. You see, I kind of like watching people fight. I used to love boxing back in the day before it became so corrupt. Ali, Frazier, Norton, Holes, Hagler, Hearns, Sugar Ray and then Tyson and Buster Douglas. Loved a big match. I don't watch much of the MMA stuff though. It's much too brutal for my tastes. In fact, this past weekend I...

We were kicking around the fact that my mother-in-law now has children who are approaching the age of sixty. (I won't say which ones - some of them read this) And I mentioned to my beautiful wife that it would be glorious to see all of our kids hit the sixty mark. "That's 45 years from now," Kathy said. "Ain't happening. You'd be 96." And as such discussions go...I felt a twinge of despair. I most certainly have less than 45 years to go. I recalled a chat I'd had with one of my doctor buddies: "It's gonna' suck to miss what happens." "Maybe we won't," he said. Yeah. Maybe. In the meantime. I want all the glory that heaven will allow. All that Heaven Will Allow - Bruce Springsteen - Tunnel of Love I got a dollar in my pocket There ain't a cloud up above I got a picture in a locket That says baby I love you Well if you didn't look then boys Then fellas don't go lookin...

I started eating Chinese food back in the early 1980's. Unfortunately I started eating it at a restaurant in Mill Valley, California where the food was better than any Chinese food I've had since. Dad was the influence behind trying the Chinese place all those years ago and we went to that particular restaurant at least twice a month for just about a year. The chefs couldn't possibly prepare our food spicy enough and when the entire crew of Fazzolari's were in there... ...they must have gone through five jars of hot oil. We had a lot of laughs back then. There was the day when the waitress introduced us to a Chinese kid who was spending his first day in America. Dad taught the kid that the English word for 'Hello' was 'F&*k'. About halfway through our meal that night Dad waved at the kid across the crowded restaurant and the kid yelled out his new found hello. F&*K! ... ...echoed through the room and the smiling kid was whiske...

There's an old 80's movie called About Last Night . Funny movie with Rob Lowe, Jim Belushi and Demi Moore. Back when it came out my brothers and sisters and I caught it a bunch of times and to this day we all use lines from the film in our everyday lives. "You're as much fun as a stick." "What'd'ya' want a dozen roses?" "Was she a pro?" Most of those lines came out of Belushi's mouth. But the one line that sort of also has stuck with me through time has kind of been on replay in my mind since I first heard about the terrorist attacks in France. Rob Lowe's character is hungover on Thanksgiving Day and he's talking to the know-it-all friend of Demi Moore. She is attacking him for being stuck inside his own head and not caring about anyone but himself. "What about what is going on in the Middle East?" she asks. "I live in a pretty good neighborhood," he answers. The outside world en...

Ben Carson had to field a stupid question the other day. "Would you abort Baby Hitler if it was up to you?" Carson gave the answer that is true to his beliefs on abortion. Of course he wouldn't. The reporter who asked the question then cracked that Carson was 'Pro-Hitler.' You can see the problem with answering such a question, right? These types of hypothetical questions are tossed around a lot. Killing Hitler to save a whole bunch of lives might be the right thing to do, but it is not an easy task when you really aren't much into killing, right? I was reading the sports pages a few weeks back and the reporter asked one of the pro football players here who he'd most like to have a beer with from any time in history. The guy said: "Jesus. I heard he was a good dude." Perhaps the best thing to do is to not answer such questions. Yet around our house Sam is always trying to play little games. "We're all on a boat ...