Just A Fantasy

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I don’t participate in any football fantasy leagues.

That right there seems to be enough to set me firmly in the minority. I simply don’t know enough about the players anymore. If someone held a gun to my head I’d have a hard time giving you three wide receivers on the Bills.

Which is kind of odd to me because I could probably give you the starters on the 70’s and 80’s and 90’s teams.

Now, my boys are all over it!

Sam has at least four teams and I believe Jake has two. They mentioned the Thursday game to me and I had to ask who was playing.

They then went into long dissertations about who they had on their teams.

What I do find interesting is the punishments that are handed out for the person who finishes last in their league.

“There was a league where the last place finisher had to get a tattoo of Justin Bieber,” Sam mentioned.

“Good Lord,” I said.

“There are eating ones too,” Jake mentioned. “I knew a guy who had to eat fifty pancakes. He stayed in the diner until he got it done. Took him all day, and he threw up for like a week.”

I laughed.

“What do you guys do?”

“Last place has to buy a jersey for the guy who finishes first. The first-place guy gets to choose the player.”

Harmless, but expensive, for sure.

Now, Sam is casual about it. I told him about an injury to a receiver that I knew was on his team.

“I got other guys,” Sam said.

Jake, on the other hand, loses his mind if one of his players has a bad day. He has Barkley, whom I’m told plays running back for the Eagles.

“Okay,” I said. “Bills are playing the Eagles and leading by 5 with time running out. Barkley has the ball and he’s heading for the end zone. If he scores the touchdown you win first place in your league. Are you rooting for him to score or are you rooting for the Bills to win?”

“Bills,” Jake said. 

“Definitely the Bills,” Sam responded.

“How much would you win if you finished first?”

“A thousand dollars.”

“Dope,” I said.

“What?”

“Finish first! Get the money! The Bills winning does nothing for you!”

My boys looked at me like I was crazy.

“Stay out of fantasy sports,” Jake said.

I intend to.

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