Senseless

We are used to one and one equaling two.

When it equals something else it’s either a magical situation like love or music or writing something wonderful…

…or…

…something so tragic that we can’t wrap our minds around it.

“It doesn’t make sense,” I thought, at least 700 times yesterday.

I have some people who know me pretty well and understand that:

1). I like controlling life (which isn’t possible)

2). I have obsessive thoughts (which swirl).

My wife knows it. My kids know it. A few childhood buddies know it, and the best boss - I ever had knows it - he’s also a good friend.

I heard from all those people yesterday as my thoughts swirled.

My boss buddy called early - was the 2nd day in a row - which was a little unusual.

“I know you,” he said. “You’re thinking too much.”

I laughed.

“Take Friday off - come golf. You’re swirling.”

Thing is, I was swirling too much to answer him!

One plus one shouldn’t equal seventeen!

I battled with a loss of a friend with reasoning that was reserved by all the one and one equals two situations that we were part of in our friendship.

Wasn’t making sense.

My heart hurt.

I went about a normal day. The whole situation was playing like a loop in my mind.

For once, I leaned into a few of those friendships I depend on, and actually talked about how I was feeling.

The thing about obsessive thinking is that you have to think through it (unless it’s helping you write something! Then it’s just go, go, go!)

By dinner time, I hadn’t made sense of a damn thing, but it seemed like a veil had lifted.

“See you Friday,” I texted my buddy.

“That a boy!” He answered.

One plus one equals two.