Thoughts of a Common Man

Damn. That's the basketball home at my mother's house. It's a hoop that we hammered with shots. I was lethal from about 18' away on the right side, of course. I had no left hand whatsoever. Damn. All those games of two-on-two. And one-on-one. The shooting contests, made more interesting when we involved beer. How many shots could we hit in a row? My brother was on one mower on Saturday. I was on the other. We whipped around the yard and as I looked up I watched John scream on by. It could have been a scene from 30 years ago. Except I looked back at the worn hoop. Damn. We'd shot hoops one Saturday afternoon, drinking beer all the way. There were four of us there that day and we were splitting a case of beer. We had to get another case fairly quickly. That afternoon delayed my friend Chris' wedding by a year. "I'd do it again," Chris told me recently. "That was a great day." I'm old enough to know that

You know who I'm thinking about a lot lately? Yeah, the replacement refs. Can you imagine being publicly ridiculed as you do your job? I'm not talking the brief reprimand that we sometimes get when we screw something up. I'm talking about pants-down-ass-out-embarrassing. Yeah, I'm thinking of the poor guy who hesitated and then threw his hands up in a touchdown signal. When he sees his buddies now do they point and laugh or just pretend to have missed the game? "Yeah, that was me," is what the guy is probably saying over and over these days. The play he blew was dissected more and shown more than some of the 9/11 footage, and the guy seemed like a decent enough guy, didn't he? He was a grandfatherly looking gent who was drawing a check as a replacement. Talk about being humiliated. First off, how would you like to be called a replacement? Others were probably chanting scab. I'm sure that the poor old dude doesn't have any vacation

I am all sorts of interested in past history. I am especially enamored by bad behavior by big stars. About a week ago I picked up a book about Marilyn Monroe. I had heard the stories of her death, of course, and I'd seen all the stunning photos of her. I always figured it was a shame, right? The book is called Bye, Bye Baby and it's written by a guy named Max Allen Collins. He uses a unique writing style by putting a private eye on the scene as a fiction character in the middle of a non-fiction story. Love the idea. I am really enjoying the book too because the character is dealing with all of the characters. Peter Lawford, Frank, DiMaggio, Dean Martin, Hoffa, Robert and JFK. Well done. Yet what gets me about it is that Marilyn is also very much alive in the beginning of the story, and Collins really sort of captures her as a beautiful, confused woman. He captures her so well that I find that I'm rooting for her even though I thought I knew what happened. S

Dedicated to a good man, and his son, another good man. In the end, the best thing you can say: "He was a good man." Don't Need This Body - John Mellencamp This getting older ain't for cowards. This getting older is a lot to go through Ain't gonna' need this body much longer Ain't gonna' need this body much more. I can't see much like I used to And I can't run like the wind I don't sleep more than just a few hours I can't remember where I've been Ain't gonna' need this body much longer Ain't gonna' need this body much more. I put in ten million hours Washed up and worn out for sure. All my friends are sick or dying And I'm here by myself All I got left is a headful of memories And a thought of my upcoming death Ain't gonna' need this body much longer Ain't gonna' need this body much more. I put in ten million hours Washed up and worn out for sure (This is the importa

Are you ready for some football? What a great game on Monday night, huh? The first game to ever end on a game-winning interception. And I have to tell you, I thought it was a lot of fun. As soon as the ball nestled into the defensive back's arms and the replacement refs signaled a touchdown for the wide receiver who was in the same end zone, the fun began. I happened to be awake at the time. I didn't watch the game, mind you, but I had the good sense to switch to the game at the precise moment the play was taking place. I watched the angry Packers storm off the field. I watched the Seahawks explain that it was a perfectly good play. I listened to the crying announcers. And then I went to Twitter where the comedians took over. A lot of fun. And don't get me started on that league anyway. They take public money and then blackout the games. They know that they can take money hand over fist and they could really give two craps about their fans because they know

Did you happen to hear about the man who jumped into the lion's cage? He told the cops he wanted to be one with the lion. He was. The lion broke his leg, his ribs, mauled him beyond recognition. "The guy likes cats," someone said in the article. I'm thinking he likes them a bit less these days. Then there was the well-known chef who murdered his wife and then cooked her to a smoky perfection. Wonder what that tasted like. "It was a little gamey." Story after story. It really is crazy out there, you know? In my little hometown last week there was a story about a town employee dumping liquid manure into the vehicle of another. (Allegedly). Do people actually get up in the morning and come up with these ideas? "Let's see, I have to pick up the dry-cleaning, mix up the liquid manure, swing by the post office, grab a gallon of milk, find the son-of-a-bitch's car, get my prescription filled, get some corn from the local marke

Do you do this dance? We do. Most of the time it's an aggravating task to be the one in charge of figuring out what we're going to have. You see, my kids are on meat diets, and they all have little preferences. My beautiful wife works later in the day so we need to plan it and she starts it and I finish it. But it ain't easy. Sam doesn't like cheese. Jake doesn't like mashed potatoes. Neither one of them, believe it or not like pasta. So the choices are limited a bit, and most of the time I feel a bit like a short order cook. A week or so ago I declared it to be breakfast for dinner. I cooked a pound of bacon and prepared a full package of pork sausage. All the while I was flipping pancakes and making eggs. I placed the pancakes in front of the boys and went to retrieve the bacon. It was gone. "What the hell happened to the bacon?" I asked. "Wasn't it mine?" Jake asked. The pork sausage suffered the same fate at Sam

Late last night my old college buddy sent me a video of the crowd in New Jersey singing Happy Birthday to Bruce. 26 years ago Rosie lived in the filthiest frat house and hung out drinking in the filthiest of rooms that they affectionately called 'Jungleland.' Bruce is 63. Me and Rosie are 48. We were 18 when we stood shoulder-to-shoulder singing Bruce for the first time. We'd both been singing along for about ten years at that time! And it's funny because all week long a bunch of us have been mentioning that today is Bruce's birthday. Like we need to get him a present! And that's pretty cool. I know it has crossed Pops' mind today. Carrie will surely raise a toast. Hell, her kids might even make a cake! And Jim, John, Dana...all across the board. Jeff certainly made sure that he hoisted a Jameson's every 09/23. The thing that really struck me about it last week in DC was that I spent a long time looking at the crowd. There were 55,000 p

I love this time of year, actually. Despite the fact that summer is leaving and there may or may not be about 8 months of garbage weather I actually like the crispness in the air. Until I figure out that I didn't bring a jacket with me. It happened on my most recent road trip, a 4-day excursion to the beautiful towns in and around Syracuse, New York. I served as a travel guide and the paid heckler that I am. At one site we were discussing the emergency situation. "What's the site medic's name?" one of the guys around the conference table asked. The other eight people sat quietly as I answered. "Marcus," I said. The guy wrote it down. "W-E-L-B-Y," I continued. He wrote that down too. You see, we had no way of knowing who the medic would be before the start of the job. Everyone laughed. The guy sounded it out. "ASSHOLE!" And that was the sort of trip it was with the exception of feeling cold and sort of knowi

I know that they're public service announcements. I appreciate that they're supposed to shock us into better behavior. I understand that they are persuasive. But... Can we do away with the commercials to stop smoking? Every commercial is worse than the one before. There's a guy coughing up a lung. A woman with a hole in her throat. A child telling us he misses his Mommy. Isn't life sad enough as it is? Do you think the people who smoke have never heard that it's bad for them? "Oh really! Inhaling smoke has a detrimental affect? Damn, I'm done!!" But if that's not enough, now we have the public service announcements regarding texting. This was the text message I was looking at when I drove into the back of the tractor-trailer and became brain-damaged. I get it! We want to stop people from texting and driving. It will help all of us. No more smoking! No more texting!! Stop with the gallon of soda!!! But please st

I'm not going to get into the statement. I won't even tell you which side it came from. Perhaps you can figure it out on your own. Yet the best part of the presidential debate in this land occurs when one or other of the candidates steps into a huge pile of dung. "That's not what he meant to say," one of the "experts" said. "This is what he meant." The woman that I listened to try and make sense of the so-called dumb statement was 100% counter to the words that came out of her candidates mouth. "I'm just saying that the context was wrong." "I know what it sounded like, but please listen to this point: it's not even close to what you heard?" It's a sleight of hand, people. "The polls show that you're way behind," the CNN guy said. "Oh the polls aren't even close. These polls are the exact opposite of what it says. You say our candidate has 44% of the vote. We say that the o

Family Man 1. Children are not pets. 2. The life they actually live and the life you perceive them to be living is not the same life. 3. Don't take what your children do too personally. 4. Don't keep score cards on them - a short memory is useful. 5. Dirt and mess are a breeding ground for well-being. 6. Stay out of their rooms after puberty. 7. Don't worry that they never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you. 8. Learn from them; they have much to teach you. 9. Love them long; let them go early. Finally. You will never really know what kind of parent you were or if you did it right or wrong. Never. And you will worry about this and them as long as you live. But when your children have children and you watch them do what they do, you will have part of an answer. Robert Fulghum

... Step into the long black limousine for their mystery ride. We all went to a great wedding on Saturday night. My nephew Ryan married his longtime love Katie. Two great kids. A tremendous, classy party. There was good food, fine drink and a lot of dancing. Despite my obvious talents in the field of dancing I sat out the evening festivities. My replacements were out on the dance floor though and they kept my beautiful wife happy. Damn, Sam can move! I'm not kidding, either. He has style and grace and he can keep a beat to the music. The wedding atmosphere is kind of funny too because the music comes on, the women shriek and run out there, and the men try to hide. "Ah shit, here comes my wife," one of the men standing near the bar said. The rest of us laughed at him. "It's GREASE!!!!" she cried out when she got closer. "Save me," the guy muttered as his hand was yanked towards the floor. For the next five minutes the rest of us

Man, the visits to the doctors are crazy aren't they? "Do you have your co-pay?" I walked through the double doors. "Step on the scale." I asked her to remember the twelve pound deduction for my clothes. We settled in. I got the litany of questions. I still wasn't allergic to anything. No night sweats, no sudden weight loss. (She really asked me that after the scale fiasco). No recent chest pains, no bouts of erectile dysfunction. (Wouldn't there have to be something going on to alert me of that condition?) Everything is great. "Except for this," I said. "I can't take a step or lift my leg without pain!!!!! I've been telling you that since January! It makes for a long freaking day!!!" And you know what she said? "We are just doing your physical today. We can't discuss the car accident. The insurance company will void the bill and make you pay for the physical if we talk about the car accide

So that's Springsteen concert #31 and whenever I mention that I'm going to see Bruce I get a lot of weird looks. What's wrong with you? Plenty, I suppose, but seeing Bruce isn't one of my major problems. Look at that photo. What's better than that? I can recall tremendous details of those 31 nights. I've been to concerts with a lot of people that I love. The Friday night show at Nationals Park didn't come easy. It was Carrie's second ticket. Friends from down there crapped out on her. I was third in line for the ticket, and I didn't think it was possible. "Go," my beautiful wife said. "Why wouldn't you?" I flew in and out. I only spent about 17 hours in the area. Bruce played for nearly 4 hours. We also had a bit of a problem as we got to our seats. We were chatting with Oriole-Bruce fans (they were halfway decent people) and I was bumped from behind and spilled three drops of beer on the woman in front of u

Hey pretty darling don't wait up for me gonna' be a long walk home. Yep, went to see Bruce in DC last night and turned around and flew right home to go to a wedding. I wouldn't have gone had Carrie not been the one waiting for me on the other end. My Friday started with a text from her that said Happy Bruceday Of course one of the amazing things about it all is that as life has unfolded I have lectured myself on doing things that are fun and worthwhile. I haven't done it as much as I wanted. Making the trip to DC was definitely worth the effort, of course. You see, I've grown weary once more. Your eyes grow blind and your blood runs cold. Sometimes I feel so weak I just wanna' explode. The talk of the presidential election is wearing on me. People shouting at other people. A house divided. There is a lot of talk about people on food stamps and welfare tearing the nation apart. I am of the firm belief that the problem is on the other end. Who

Not sure if anyone knows who Chris Kluwe is. He punts a football for a living for the Minnesota Vikings. He is also a real accomplished letter writer. Kluwe wrote a letter in defense of a teammate who was speaking out about gay marriage. Here's a bit of the explanation: Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo has publicly expressed support for gay marriage, a public position that angered state delegate Emmett C. Burns Jr. and caused him to write a letter to team owner Steve Bisciotti. In the letter, Burns asked the Ravens to "inhibit such expressions" from players. Ayanbadejo defended himself in an eloquent way. Kluwe took a different tack, writing a very descriptive letter that included some swear words I hadn't even heard before. Why did he go that way? What caused him to speak out in defense of Ayanbadejo, a player he doesn't know? Did he feel that the profanity took away from the message? I read the letter. It was really well done. Kluwe was fired up

I doubt that many Americans knew who Christopher Stevens was before this morning, and the diplomats death in Benghazi is surely senseless, but what is even more senseless are those who kill in the name of religion. How long has this been going on, by the way? Since the start of time, right? And man it really hits hard. Americans killed by ruthless cowards for what? A YouTube video that apparently is seen as blasphemy to a god? I'm telling you, there really isn't a reason to feel shock anymore. We come off the "anniversary" of 9/11 and we are immediately greeted with such somber news. And it isn't about GOP and Liberals. It isn't about guns or gun control. It's all about death and violence in a world that just doesn't need anymore. "We need to nuke all of them off the face of the Earth." "They should turn the entire Middle East into a parking lot." "Those people are crazy. They have no value for human life.

Man my kids were fired up on Sunday for the Bills opening game of the season. Sam was mentioning that they were going 13 and 3 and Jake was a bit more pragmatic choosing 10 and 6. Both were ready for the playoffs. The game was a dud. I was even surprised by it. Yet I was watching the 27-Time World Champion Greatest Franchise Ever-First Place Yankees pummel the hapless Orioles 13 to 3 instead of watching football. Still, I felt for the boys. As you will note this article is entitled Ernie D. For the uninitiated he was a basketball player who arrived on the Buffalo sports scene in 1972. He was 6-feet tall, Italian, and very popular in our house. I loved Ernie. My brothers loved Ernie. My Dad really loved Ernie. And he was good! And so were the Braves. I saw the photo of Ernie in a Buffalo pizza shop on Monday morning and it got me thinking about how down the kids were about the Bills. I remembered how down I was when the Braves traded Ernie out of town. What the hell wa

My boy had a homework assignment to ask us about September 11, 2001. "How'd you find out?" Sam asked my beautiful wife. "Dad called me," Kathy said. "When he told me about the first plane I thought it was an accident but we were on the line when the second plane hit." Sam turned to me. "How'd you call Mom?" he asked. "I picked up my phone and dialed the number," I said. "She answered and we talked." "No!!!" He said. "Why did you call her so fast, were you scared?" I thought about it for a moment. Looking back 11 years with all that we now know... "Yeah," I said. "I was scared. I was scared for all the people inside. I was afraid of what happened in our country. I couldn't believe it could happen." "What were you doing when you found out?" "I was listening to Howard Stern. It was a beautiful morning." Sam was trying hard to piece it al

I watch baseball every night from April thru October. I enjoy the pace of the game. Others yell that it is too slow, but I like letting my mind wander, and just listening to the banter. I can tell you players from the 40's. Recently my son and I went back over the World Series Champs from 1960 to present. I was able to tell him the winner and who they played...from now back through 4 years before I was born! Through those years I have been embarrassed by the game. The steroid era was sickening as was 1994 when they cancelled the World Series due to pure greed. Yet nothing can kill the game. On Saturday night the ump in the Yankee-Oriole game blatantly blew a call. It was a call that either tied the game or ended the game. He ended it. It wasn't a close play. Fine. Shit happens. It happened last year to ruin a perfect game. It happened in 1996 and in 2003 on fan interference with home run balls. They fixed that by coming up with replay. It happened in a Lions

Once upon a time all feelings and emotions went to a coastal island for a vacation. According to their nature, each was having a good time. Suddenly, a warning of an impending storm was announced and everyone was advised to evacuate the island. The announcement caused sudden panic. All rushed to their boats. Even damaged boats were quickly repaired and commissioned for duty. Yet, Love did not wish to flee quickly. There was so much to do. But as the clouds darkened, Love realized it was time to leave. Alas, there were no boats to spare. Love looked around with hope. Just then Prosperity passed by in a luxurious boat. Love shouted, “Prosperity, could you please take me in your boat?” “No,” replied Prosperity, “my boat is full of precious possessions, gold and silver. There is no place for you.” A little later Vanity came by in a beautiful boat. Again Love shouted, “Could you help me, Vanity? I am stranded and need a lift. Please take me with you.” Vanity responded haughtily,

I like Twitter. It's a good source for comedy and to capture the essence of a news story. It's especially fun to laugh along with the comedians as a live event is taking place. Yet I am not real sure what goes on with the inner workings. I have a hard time figuring out how to get followers and who the heck to follow. But I wasn't ready for this! I was suspended today. I've never been suspended from anything and as far as I know I didn't do anything wrong. Yet there it was. "You have been suspended for sending multiple tweets to people who don't want to see them." I don't do that! I hardly ever tweet!! And below that box was another box that said if I could successfully type two jumbled words into a box, I could be un-suspended, but I also had to promise not to do something that I never did. I felt a little dirty. I felt a little violated. Someone has been tweeting under my name? Did someone report me? It's all so hea

Listening to the speeches and the reaction to the speeches. Last week it was RNC and this week it's DNC. The messages are muddled. Let me be more direct. 1). We want a chance to earn a fair living at a fair wage with time off to hang with our families. 2). We want the opportunity to choose our own religion, and be our own man or woman regardless of race, sex or creed. A belief in God is a very personal relationship. If you pray to Tom Cruise, good for you. If you worship rocks, enjoy. The religion fight really galls me in this day and age because isn't that why we all came floating over here? To keep it the hell out of government? (Yes, John, and the schools). What the hell is creed anyway? (Just kidding, I know they're a band). 3). We want a chance to send our kids off to school so that they can learn a trade and find a decent job when they get out so they can have a family and work their fingers to the bone and never seem to get ahead too. 4). We want some

About ten years ago George Steinbrenner was being interviewed and he said: "I want the Yankees to win every day because we have a lot of fans and they have better days if we win." I remember hearing that and thinking: You know what, Uncle Georgie is right. We do feel better when they win. The Yankees haven't been winning a lot lately. The ten game lead they had is all gone and if they don't get on their horses soon, the playoffs may begin without them. And you'd think that my entire existence was based on whether or not the 27-Time World Champion Greatest Sports Franchise in the History of the World won or lost on any given day. I must tell you: I'm okay. I will survive a playoff-less season if that is what happens. I have been cranky during the games lately as I can't understand how an entire team can stop hitting at once, but it's just baseball. It's an amusing distraction from life. I've always got that. Even when the

"I'd like to book my stay for next year," Jake said as I walked him out to the school bus and announced that Camp Clifford is closed for the season. Yes, the school year has officially started. Bag lunches, fights over doing the homework, scrambling to feed the hoodlums, and wondering if the dogs will handle the time alone all right. Not that the dogs didn't witness anything more than sleep, though. "It's time to learn, learn, learn," I chanted to Sam as he rubbed sleep out of his eyes this morning. "The thing about it is that I'll be home before you, I get all the holidays off, there's teacher conferences and breaks. You're stuck working every day for the next twenty years, and we eat up all the money you make." I may not chant to the kids anymore. Yet it was a wonderful season here at Camp Clifford. Rooms were trashed on a daily basis. Chicken nuggets, chicken fingers and popcorn chicken were real popular on the me

Sad. I walked the nearly empty aisle of the grocery store right down the road. As the kids were growing I took at least three trips to the store on a daily basis. I'd buy what we need, get home and find out we need something else. The Jubilee was a family-owned store. A business that a local man built and ran for more than 20 years. He just couldn't get it done anymore. And why did this small business close? That's an argument for all the political experts and pundits, but Wal-Mart sells groceries. There are a bunch of superstores within 5 miles of the old Jubilee. Big business eating small business if you ask me. And I'm gonna' miss the place. I really am. It was the destination of choice as I took the dogs for their after-dinner-bye-byes. "What's going in here?" the guy in front of me in line asked the cashier. "Not a damn thing," she said. "Empty building." She paused for a long moment. "Just an empty buildi

I live in a blue state. New York will vote Democrat in the presidential election. All of the electoral votes will go to Obama. It's already set in stone. It's kind of like the NFL season. We already know the basics. So, does it matter if I go vote? Bush lost the popular vote in 2000. He, of course, was named president...the circumstances are a bit muddled. I know a lot of people who don't vote. "That's how they pick you for jury duty," one buddy told me. "I don't want to get involved." He's never voted. Never served on a jury either. I have voted religiously since I turned 18. Hell, I voted for Walter freaking Mondale! Yeah, that was me. But I don't see the point now. Just as I don't see the point to argue anything. When fact checkers are counting the lies the candidates tell, during the speeches, it kind of turns me off to the whole thing. When they parade the family out there, and the wife cries and the child

Unless you don't work at all...then spend the day working somewhere. Just to change it up. My first job was at the age of 14. I picked berries. It sucked. I went from there to picking peppers and tomatoes. We worked the fields till we got our back burned. I was trying to get my facts learned. 'Baby I got my facts learned real good right now.' Went from there to a grocery store. I bagged groceries while staring at the cashiers. It was more a social job than a wage-earning one. I learned to drink beer during that stint. And the beer drinking came in handy during my years as a Union Laborer. I was making money hand-over-fist. I worked real, real hard. Shackled and Drawn. Knew I didn't want to work that hard. But could never leave the construction field. To this day the most honest guys I know break their backs for a living. When I graduated college I took a few jobs. I've been lucky. I've gotten out of bed with a destination in mind every day

It's that time of year, folks. Yep, I'm gonna' piss off all the football fans. My kids are amazed. Last year I had the Giants losing to the Pats in the Super Bowl. The year before I had the Packers winning it all. I got the winner the year before that too. I'm a whisker hair off being 6 for 6 in the last 3 years of match-ups. And I can't name more than a handful of players on each team. You know why I always seem to get it right? Because it's easy. Same teams in the mix every year. Most of the rest of the league right at .500. The NFL sells mediocrity and we buy it with bushels of money. (I can almost hear Pops seething). Clip out the blog. Save it. I bet I'm real close to being right. NFC Playoff Teams? Packers, Giants, Bears, Saints, 49ers and Lions...took me 3 seconds to think of that and write it. AFC playoff teams? Patriots, Broncos, Steelers, Ravens, Bengals and Chiefs About six of those teams have a legitimate chance for the Su

How come everyone needs to have an opinion these days? Why isn't it just restricted to the genius behind the Thoughts of a Common Man blog? What does it mean, anyway, to "listen to someone's take?' You hear it all the time. "Hi, I'm a first-time caller, long-time listener. I just wonder if you think it's right for people to collect welfare and still spend money on cigarettes. I just want to hear your take. I'll hang up and listen." That is the actual thought processed on one of the talk shows I was listening to yesterday. How'd the guy respond? "My take is that people shouldn't smoke." My take on that was: "What the F*&% am I listening to!" Yet everyone having a take seems to be a real problem these days. What the hell is a pundit? And where the hell do they come up with the panel of experts? I'd much rather get my news from the comedians who are sending tweets as the conventions go along